Ambivalence

Should I go?  Or rather, do I want to go?  I’ve been asking myself that question for a couple of long unmotivated weeks now.  For months I’ve had my plan all worked out: local racing, National XC champs and then Cairns World Cup.  The reason for doing Cairns was that it would most likely be my last opportunity to do a World Cup, and having it in the city I was born and grew up in would be a nice way to go out.

I remember my first overseas World Cups where there would be a bunch of us just hoping to not get lapped out. (NB. If you are 80% slower than the lead riders first lap you are pulled out before the start of your next lap).  My last two races in Houffalize and Pietermaritzburg I managed to avoid the 80% rule but I quick check of my training diary reveals I was doing about twice as many hours on the bike than I do now.  In fact at my fittest I would average 20 hours per week leaving not much time or energy for anything else.  That doesn’t include bike maintenance, gym work, stretching and increased requirement for naps.

Right now I have a nice balance where I’m working full-time, feel like I’m being a reasonable parent to a daughter who now has a demanding schedule of her own and even get out for the occasional social event.  So if I’m not going to throw all that out, where does that leave me for Cairns?  I’d like to say my family would get the opportunity to watch me race but it’s unlikely they will come if it involves walking very far or up an incline.  I’ve established that they really don’t ‘get it’ so who am I racing for?  Travel for XC racing doesn’t involve a lot of sight-seeing.  You just see about 4km of trail repeatedly for 4 days, memorising every rock, tree root and corner, noting the gear required for certain climbs and places to drink.  Compare that to a marathon where I can turn up the day before, race then enjoy the area for a few days before returning to the real world. 

While wearing my PCS Coaching hat I dole out a lot of advice to my clients that I’m not sure I’d heed as an athlete.  It’s created quite a self-awareness that I tap into more often as I question why I put myself through certain things.  Most of my clients are not out to win prize money or stand on a podium.  They just want to be better than they are.  One of my favourite mantras is “he who stops being better, stops being good” (OMG did I really just quote Oliver Cromwell?). I’m very aware that a lot of them would love to ‘suck’ as much as I do on a bad day.  It makes me think that I should finish what I started (as I told a rider last week), appreciate what my body can still do with the time I can devote to it and, basically, HTFU.

See you in Cairns.

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Australian XC Titles - Bright

Missing the podium by 5 seconds leads to many moments of reflection as to where I could have found them over the course of a one hour and 47 minute race.  I liken it to my running days where comrades would miss the hallowed sub-three hour marathon by mere moments.  The realisation sinking in that they would have to put themselves through another ordeal attempting to achieve their goal.  Admittedly I swore that was my last XC National race several times during the endless climbs of Bright but I’ve said that in every XC, marathon and stage race where I’ve pushed myself to the absolute limit.  That’s what you say to yourself to justify the searing pain in your legs and lungs.  That’s the deal you make with your body to push a few more watts out: “Just this last time, I promise, and I’ll never ask you to do it again.  Okay?”  I lie to my body often.

Photo credit: Pete Winfield

Last race or not, it was a cracker.  Yes the medals went to the top three but the real tussle was for fourth spot apparently, between Rowena Fry, Tori Thomas and me, with not even a plastic medal as recompense.  It was great fun though, actually racing, attacking, dying and then attacking again.  Sometimes riders end up quite alone in a MTB time-trial situation so it was amazing to have a carrot to chase and someone snapping at my heels the whole race.  The ability to flat-stick it on the short fire road climbs while disregarding the consequences once at the top, was what would win the day.  Not the most open of courses the Bright parcours demanded tactical nous and maximum wattage in short bursts.

View from top of the Downhill course

While I missed the podium by seconds the real race for three Commonwealth Games spots was happening a few minutes up the road so I won’t lose much sleep over it.  I think it demonstrates the effect of professionalism of the sport where the top men and women are now able to make a living racing their bikes.  They’re not buying yachts for sure, but they are able to devote their lives to training and recovering which is a great sign for the sport in Australia.  Surely an Aussie World or Olympic Champion is not too far away.

It definitely will not be my last time in Bright.  What a pretty town with quality restaurants and coffee all within walking distance of accommodation.  The mountain or road biking in the area has been a popular choice with professional riders for some time and I think it’s time I booked a training camp.  Who’s keen??